By Mike Majlak
We all remember the excitement that built up around Halloween when we were kids. Trying on costumes, carving pumpkins, maybe even a haunted hayride- all added to the anticipation surrounding many children’s favorite holiday. Now as adults, much of that excitement comes from “manning” the door and handing out candy to children that might remind us of a time when life was just a little more carefree than it is now.
The night of Halloween itself, when most kids go trick-or-treating, holds the highest level of tradition, ritual, and intrigue. Every time the doorbell rings and we must pry ourselves off the beloved couch, we feel just a little bit of that youthful energy so freely exhibited one crisp night each and every autumn.
Much of the excitement for adults on Halloween comes along with choosing which candy we will hand out to the kids of the neighborhood. We all remember being kids and how we loved Old Miss Winters for giving out King Size Snickers bars- or how we skipped right past the next-door neighbor Frank’s house because he just gave out those stupid Smarties that nobody could possibly like. There have always been the Halloween mainstays- the Snickers bars, the candy corn, the Sweet Tarts. But here are 8 strange candies that you may not have ever seen- and maybe for good reason…
8. Sigmund Freud Head Pops
Lollipops shaped to look just like Sigmund Freud and taste like watermelon- but operate free of any of those pesky copays or sticky coinsurance situations.
7. Chicken Sucker Candy
A lollipop in the shape of a rotisserie chicken that has a very strange orange flavor and eerily offers none of the same protein advantages as your normal chicken breast.
6. Forked Eyeball Suckers
Not really sure who’s idea this one was, but it’s pretty gruesome. Cherry and raspberry flavored eyeballs on the end of a popular kitchen utensil begs the question- “What the fork?!”
5. Idaho Spud
Ok, so this one really isn’t that strange. A chunk of chocolate filled with marshmallow and sprinkled with coconut. I could actually go for one of these right now…
4. Zombie Food Chocolates
Small morsels of milk chocolate molded in the shape of human brains, feet, and anatomically correct hearts that ooze red caramel when bitten into. These are sure to satisfy the Walking Dead fan in the family.
3. Box of Boogers Gummies
A terrifyingly disgusting box of gummies that pushes the envelope of what is even edible. They even feature three distinct flavors: Snottermelon, Sour Green Boogy, and Lemon Loogy. If you somehow have these for Halloween, you picked a real winner!
2. Gummy Flesh Fries
Watermelon flavored gummies made to resemble sawed-off human fingers. You may want someone to offer you a “hand” with eating these. I guess that’s not really that funny. Whatever.
1. Meatball Bubble Gum
And coming in at the number one spot is bubble gum that tastes like bubble gum- but looks like meatballs. Yes, like meatballs.
Thanks to guest contributor Mike Majlak for bringing these ridiculous candies to Lifeonacouch.org. Would you ever try any of these? Let us know!